


beetlejuice is his name, fucking up peoples lives is his game

by stinkygf



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Gen, Pre Musical, Slow Burn, gender neutral reader, issa slice of life, we’ll see where it goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22207819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stinkygf/pseuds/stinkygf
Summary: All you wanted was to buy some groceries to live out your month in solitude but you just had to use your two brain cells to pick up some stupid card in a fucking Walmart. Now you’re stuck with a demon that wants to marry you
Relationships: Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice) & Reader, Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice)/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	beetlejuice is his name, fucking up peoples lives is his game

You never expected someone as mundane as grocery shopping to be so interesting yet here you are in aisle ten where they keep the laundry detergent covering a demons mouth so that you won’t get kicked out.

It’s pretty lucky for you that this particular aisle was hidden towards the back of the store. Not many people come by and if they did you made extra sure not to be noticed by studying yourself and the weirdo man behind the toilet papers. It was crowded and you could feel the beginnings of a breakdown coming but your need to understand what the hell was going on outweighed everything. The only thing that could get you answers was the man sitting cross legged in front of you who was picking at his nose then eating his boogers.

This is gonna be a sucky day, you can already feel it in your bones.

“Alright,” he glanced at you and flashed a grin. “Who the hell are you and why should I not call the cops on you magically appearing.”

Honesty you should have hightailed it the second the creep had manifested in front of you but you panicked!! Someone was walking by and you froze and decided to drag him into toilet paper hell until they left. 

The green haired fellow dramatically cleared his throat and held a flawed hand out towards yours. You looked down at his hand then back up at him and back at his hand. 

“What? Not a fan of the talons?” He grinned but sighed and retracted them back under his skin until normal human nails were back. 

Oh. “I hate that. So, so very much.” You whispered.

Green haired fellow cackled. “Yeah it’s always fun doing that to breathers,” he happily said. “Anyways! You should already know who I am, sweetcakes, you said my name and all that jazz. Unleashed a demon onto the mortal realm so it’d be kinda embarrassing for you if you didn’t know what you just did.”

Another shocking tidbit of the day. 

“I fucking what.”

Demon boy groaned and pointed to the, hopefully, empty aisle. “The card, babes. My names on the card.”

You slowly blinked and carefully made your way out of the fort and into the aisle. Sure enough there was a card lying on the ground that you quickly picked up before retreating back to the man. He was still there for some reason.

“Ah humans, I love y’all but y’all can be so.. What’s the word? Oh yeah, stupid. A total dummy. Bonafide idiot. A giiiiant dumbass. Big ol-“

“Alright I get it.” You snapped.

He held his hands up and grinned once more, doing that dorky smile where his top set of teeth bit over his lower lip.

You read over the card. All it talked about was something about a ‘bio-exorcist’ and how to call on. Flipping it over had the word ‘BEETLEJUICE’ with 3x to the top right of it like a trademark. It wasn’t long until the little lightbulb over your head blinked at you put the pieces together. 

“Your name is Beetlejuice?” You asked, thumb tracing over his name. It was honestly kind of professional. You could feel over every letter and the black of the card was nice to feel at as well.

He kind of winced a bit and chuckled. “A name so nice you say it thrice but uh, hold off on the B word while I’m here, alright? I hate only lasting ten seconds.”

Your nose wrinkled up at the bad sex joke but you ignored it for now. “So saying your name three times got you here? Now what? I don’t know what a bio-exorcist is but context clues is telling me that you're some kind of supernatural thing and you take care of living things.”

Beetlejucie whistled and clapped his hands. And another pair of hands. Then his feet. Then a pair of feet that clawed their way out of his right shoe where his toes were. You hate it.

“Right on the money, honey! Ah man you’re one smart cookie. Glad I got saddled with you instead of some lame normie.” 

“But what does it mean. Bio-exorcist for what when we’re in a fucking Walmart.”

Beetlejuice paused for a brief second before shrugging. “I dunno. This isn’t really the most ideal place for my specialty but I could make it work.” With that he stepped out from toilet paper hell and out into the real world.

You immediately followed behind to tail him but not before grabbing your basket that already had items in it. “That’s ominous as hell dude what do you mean.”

He snickered only to shrug once more. “My work is to take breathers, aka you, out of a ghosts house or park bench or museum or whatever out of there so that the ghoul can chill out forever. Haunt the place up a bit so they can sleep until the next wildfire hits.”

As the two of you walked he picked up random knick knacks and placed them into your basket to which you promptly took out. “Biological exorcist okay I guess that makes sense,” how is he walking so fast Jesus Christ- “But your services aren’t needed. There’s no ghosts here that needs people gone.”

Beetlejuice stopped in his tracks once the two of you hit the electronic second. You could already tell that he was gonna make his way to where the playable games were and right you were. The dude was now trying to figure out how to play Smash on the Switch. 

“Sucks for you cause I recently discovered something.” His eyes were glued to the screen as his fiddled with the controls and slammed whatever button did a thing.

You sighed loudly. “And what would that be, bug.”

He rapidly tapped a few buttons before getting it to pause and turned to look your way. He smiled and winked. “I like ya and I wanna marry ya.” Then went back to the game like that was a completely normal thing to fucking say out of nowhere.

“YOU FUCKING WHAT-“ A grimey hand was plopped over your mouth before you could cuss him out even more and.

“Jesus fucking Christ can you not yell when we’re at a Walmart??” He hissed. “It’s like, fuckin’, four pm which is prime Karen cause all the soccer moms just got off work and picked up there kids which means I’ll have some uggo come up to me and ask why you’re screaming!! Shut! Up!” 

Your left eye twitched. Every breath out your nose was heavy and hot and you could feel the sweat on his hand piling up from it. Biting his gross fingers was tempting but you didn’t want to risk catching whatever he probably had. 

“If I move my hand are you gonna scream again?” 

You narrowed your eyes. He narrowed his eyes back. 

You squinted. He popped a few more unnerving looking eyes all over his face and each one of them squinted back.

A shrill scream was muffled by his hand and he stomped his feet at it. The eyes were gone with a huff and if you weren’t mistaken you thought he might have looked disappointed that you had screamed.

What a fucking weenie ass demon.

“One more try,” he raised a stern finger at you. Huh, chipped black nail polish. “Can I count on you to not go yelling like a banshee?”

With a roll of your eyes you finally nodded. Beetlejuice grinned and quickly removed his hand, leaving you to rub at your mouth with disgust to get all the dirt and sweat off of you.

“Can you even count?” You snarked.

Beetlejuice left the game behind in favor of walking around to the food section. “What’s the point of counting when you’re an immortal being such as moi? I got better stuff to do.”

You snorted, handing the basket to him to carry. “Oh whatever could that me. Maybe eating humans? Or how about haunting old abandoned Toys R Us building? Oh! I know one! Annoying random humans who just wanted to get their shopping done!” A wide fake smile was strung up on your lips.

He side eyed you before scoffing and nudging you playfully. “Listen, _you_ summoned _me._ You could send me back any time you want but you haven’t figured it out so I guess I’m gonna be stuck here with you forever.”

It was at this moment you absently felt over the card that was sitting in your pocket. Your thumb felt over the indented printing and your second ah ha moment of the day kicked in. 

“Beetlejuice.” You smiled.

The demon in question stopped walking and slowly turned his head towards you. A wild look was set ablaze in his eyes. The tips of his hair was tinted red with streaks of a dark pink setting in.

“Beetlejuice.” You leaned in closer, reveling in how his whole body trembled at the second calling. 

“How did you-“ He rubbed at his stubble and wagged a finger at you, a grin that didn’t meet his eyes plastered on. His tongue swiped at his rounded fangs that you only now noticed. “Cute. Maybe I shouldn’t have underestimated you.”

You playfully scrunched your nose up at him and took a step forward, patting his cheek before pinching it softly. 

“Beeeeeeefore I send you back to Hell I still have a few more questions about you.” A laugh bubbles up in your chest as the look on his face.

Beetlejuice watched as you continued walking, rubbing at his face before following besides you, biting back a smile as he willed at his hair to turn back to its usual green.

“And what questions might those be, O Glorious Master?” It was very obviously a joke but you couldn’t ignore the way he basically purred out that last word.

“You mentioned that you wanted to marry me even though we’ve only just met. What’s up with that?”

“Oooooh. Right. That. Well, for a demon or born-dead or whatever the fuck to be human and visible to the mortal realm they have to marry a mortal.” He explained but unfortunately made you come up with even more questions.

Right when you were about to open your mouth he stopped you. “Are you gonna ask about the born-dead thing?” You nod. “Think about it real careful. Sound out the syllables and shit. Pick it apart.”

Oh.

Well.

Now you just feel stupid.

He cackled as it dawned on you how self explanatory it was. “Don’t sweat it dweeb, we’ve all had a dumb blond moment.” 

The demon walked straight into the aisle that stored away snacks where the Walmart had the genius idea to keep the candy and chips on opposing sides. Maximum impulse buy.

He grabbed each and every sugary snack that he could carry and then some. The loser even tried to puppy eyes his way into you buying all of it. When it was clear that you weren’t going to cave in he let out a very loud huff and motioned for you to take a step back. 

“Wanna see a magic trick?” You hesitated before nodding.

Rounded fangs were showing full force as he began to juggle the snacks that were easily in the double digits. It was honestly really impressive and really cool. The trick went on for a little longer until he lugged them up higher to get more air time and with a snap they suddenly vanished.

“Whoa what the- How- how did you do that? Where did they go?” You stammer, more worried about having Walmart police think that you stole stuff.

He simply shrugged then shifted through the things in your basket. “I dunno your address so I can’t say for sure,” he opened the laundry detergent and took a hefty sip. “Yucky.” He took another large gulp.

A barrage of garbage gibberish spewed from you at the information processed in your brain. It was a lot to think about.

“My- my house?? You sent it to my place? Where I live? My address? Why?! Also don’t drink that that’s from my laundry!” You snatched the half empty jug from him and groaned when it felt more than half empty.

Beetlejuice cackled then with a wave of his hand the jug was back to its original state if not a little heavier. “Yuh doi it’s at your place. I’m kind of bonded to you but not really now since you summoned me. You gotta deal with me for forever and ever, babes. You get aaallll of this.” He gestured time his body with a body roll that set a short lived flame in your stomach.

“I can unsummon you!!” You pointed out.

“But you won’t.” 

“Oh yeah? And why not, Beetlejuice?” You dragged out his name and smirked when he noticed shivered.

“Cause you’re already attached to me.” He dragged out your name with a low purr. Damnit.

With a loud huff you thrusted the detergent back into the basket and pushed him into the right direction of what you wanted. Beetlejuice simply laughed in response and allowed it.

“You call the shots for now, babes, take me wherever.” He crooned, winking at you.

You rolled your eyes. “We’re gonna finish up shopping and then I’m gonna interrogate you some more when we get home, bug.” You grumbled.

His hair turned a few shades brighter. “Home? D’aw, you really do like me!”

“Ugh shut up already. We got frozen pizzas to look at.”


End file.
